Tuesday, February 24, 2015

WHY DATING A TALL MAN IS AWESOME

I have four tall younger brothers, and it amuses me that my shortest little brother is over six feet.  Although when I picked on the shortest brother for this, my mom pointed out that the shortest one is really me (at five feet four inches).  I never gave height any more thought until I met someone even taller than my brothers, and I realized dating a tall guy might have some advantages.      


Top shelves get used.  Instead of collecting dust, someone can actually reach everything up there.  Dating a tall dude might actually help you maximize your space!

Tall guys make more money.  At least that's what an article I read on the internet said, so it must be true.  ( See this link if you think I'm telling tall tales! )  Then again, given my profession, everyone makes more money than me.  Everyone!  Your dog probably gets more youtube hits and makes more money than me.  I only know one person who makes less money than me.  That is my bestie, and she is a mere five feet.

Old T-shirts can be recycled.  His smalls are your new X-large, oversized pajamas.  Comfy!

Dinner is always good.  ...And filling!  ...Because that man can eat!

He catches more beads.  If you're from N'awlins, this is a very useful advantage during the Mardi Gras season... or a St. Patrick's Day parade... 

He parts the Red Sea.  Call him Moses (or, um, Brandon).  If he walks through a crowd, all you have to do is walk behind him.  No one's in your way.  No one! 

He helps you burn more calories.  Well, his strides are longer, so I am hypothesizing here that shorter people have to walk faster to keep up. 

(This blog is for entertainment purposes only.  Follow it, but don't believe anything you read.  It's on the internet after all.)

Friday, February 20, 2015

TEN THINGS WE THINK WHILE WAITING IN LINE

Waiting in line again?  Here are ten things you might be thinking...
10.  I got everything on my list, but...  Man, I'm not losing my place in line to go get it now.
9.  It never fails.  I always get in the slowest moving line.
8.  Maybe I can get out of line for it.  The lady in front of me is unloading two shopping carts.  I have time.
7.  I hope my ice cream doesn't melt by the time I checkout.
6.  This store is always packed no matter what time I come.
5.  Does the lady behind me know I can hear everything she's saying on the phone?
4.  I can't believe the lady in front of me is wearing that!  I'm not sure if she bought that outfit from a garage sale or the clearance racks here.  Wait, I own the same pants.
3. No...no...NOOO!  The cashier just pulled the light for the manager.
2.  Did I get all my bags? 
1.  How did I spend $200+ in one trip?

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

ALONE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY?

If you're alone for Valentine's Day, it's really okay.  A whole bunch of things can go wrong on this day, and this could be you...

10.  You could be out on a dinner date with a guy, who has broccoli stuck in his teeth.  OR   You could be on a dinner date with an incredibly hot guy, and you could have broccoli stuck in your teeth...

9.  You could meet a guy from an on-line dating site in person.  He looks nothing like his picture, AND he talks like Kermit the Frog.

8.  You could get a box of chocolates, only to find out most of the chocolates in this particular box have that really disgusting orange center.

7.  The tennis bracelet you could have gotten ... AND SHOWED EVERYBODY... really wasn't made out of gold...or real diamonds...and it just broke.

6.  Someone could have sent you a bouquet of flowers, only to make your allergies act up...like really BAD.

5.  You receive a gift from a secret admirer and daydream all day about that really handsome coworker that's never spoken to you...only to find out the gift was mistakenly given to you when it was, in fact, for your more outgoing, excels at everything co-worker...from that really handsome coworker you can't stop thinking about.

4.  You receive a bunch of balloons and decide to do the helium voice.  You do your best (insert famous singer here) impression only to find out your (now ex) best friend secretly recorded you and uploaded it to social media...         

3.  You could still be dating that loser guy from high school (that broke your heart back then), who's doing worse than you now (yet somehow he has a Valentine's date).

2.  While watching the sun set with your hot date, you could get bitten up by a family of mosquitoes... and the bites on your face are swelling like big zits.

1.  The bear you could have gotten makes a funny noise when you squeeze it...and your date has a pet dog, who must be missing a toy.         

But WORST of all...you could be stuck in a house with these four:

(This blog is for entertainment purposes only.  Follow it!)

Monday, February 2, 2015

FOOTBALL WOES

I don't know much about football.  I wasn't sure if Super Bowl was one word or two.  I don't know anything about football, really.  When someone kicks the ball, I just cheer and hope it's for the right team.  I don't understand football.  I recently ate at Bobby Hebert's and just thought that was the name of the restaurant.  When people talk about the Saints, I ask, "Who dat?" because I really have no idea!


(This blog is for entertainment purposes, and supposedly football is too...)